Love & Destruction, Part IV: Breaking
by Jacquie-0
Summary: Picks up at beginning scene of Fallout. Simon flips out on Clary for sleeping with Jace. Things escalate quickly & he ends up taking his hurt and anger out on her in a way he never would have before. After waking up at Magnus's apartment, Alec only feels worse & goes to confront Jace once more, this time with firmer resolve. WARNING: detailed rape scene inside. Proceed w/ caution.


**WARNING!**

THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES A DETAILED RAPE SCENE! If you are sensitive to such matter, please don't read it! The next chapter will be the last, the wrap-up, of this short little story, and it will be a more pleasant read, so I'd implore you to just skip to that if you feel so inclined. Or skip to the bottom of this chapter for the Jace/Alec scene. Thanks!

* * *

Clary broke the kiss and pushed Simon off of her. "Wait!" she cried out, putting her arms up between them as he snarled and moved to charge again. "Wait, Simon, _please_." She looked at him imploringly. His dark eyes clouded by emotion seemed to clear just a bit in response to her supplication, causing him to regain his senses slightly and come back to himself again.

"Please, Simon. Can we just talk about this for a moment? I mean, you're my _best_ friend in the whole world. I've known you for, like, ever. We've done literally everything together for so many years now, and I couldn't imagine you not being in my life."

He cut her off. "Well, then, you better make the right choice, Clary, 'cause if you don't, I won't _be_ in your life anymore." He threatened, eyes flaming alarmingly at her.

"What the _hell,_ Simon?! Where is this coming from?" She couldn't believe he'd said that.

"Clary, I've loved you from the first time I saw you. I loved your red pigtails and bright green eyes and freckled skin. I loved how you smiled at me and took my hand, inviting me into your world, not caring that I was a nerdy, cootie-ridden boy." Simon suppressed a smile. "I loved watching you draw, how you came alive. I was happy to do nothing but sit and stare at you. You were an angel to me, something mythical and enchanting, and I couldn't believe my great fortune to just be in your presence. You were kind to me when so many others weren't. You were there for me when I was at my worst. You included me in every part of your life, and I couldn't tell you how rich that made me feel. For every reason, I fell for you. You were everything to me, my reason to wake up each morning, my reason to look forward to the day. It's true that it was hard for me to love you so much and not be able to express how I felt for you, but just being close to you made all the pain worthwhile. Until now. Now it's gone too far, and I can't take it any longer."

"But why? If you've been in love with me for so long, why didn't you just tell me? Why did you never say anything before? What's changed for you to say everything to me like this right now?"

Simon's face was the definition of incredulity. "What's changed, Clary? What's _changed_?! Jesus Christ, Clary, _everything's_ changed. I never said anything before because I was afraid. I was afraid of losing you if I told you and you didn't feel the same. I was always just waiting, hoping for you to just give me some sign, some clue that you felt the same way I did. There were times when I thought you were giving me some signs, but then whenever I tried to broach the subject, you seemed completely oblivious as to what I was trying to say. I couldn't tell how you felt at all, but up until now, it wasn't that big of a deal. Sure, I was holding on to my dreams still, trying to figure out a way to find out for sure how you felt, but in the meantime, I was happy to still just be near you. But then _he_ entered your life and changed everything. He ruined _everything_."

"He?" Clary's eyebrows shot up in disbelief. "He?" As in Jace? Wow. I don't even know where to begin." Simon clenched his teeth, his face challenging her to say something that would make things better. "Well, for one, Simon, I'm not the one who has been in relationships before. _You_ are the one who has. I never liked any of the girls you dated, but I never said anything or stood in your way, 'cause that's not what friends do. I just wanted you to be happy. And secondly, just because you don't like Jace, doesn't make him responsible for your bubble being burst. What do you expect to happen when you just sit around and want things to happen but never take the steps to do anything about it? You waited until it was too late, and now you're upset and taking it out on others, when it's your own fault you were too much of a coward to just _talk_ to me! God, Simon, did you really think I was just going to send you on your way if you told me you liked me and I didn't like you back? Do you think so little of me? Do you think I care for _you_ so little? Like I said, you mean _everything_ to me."

The expression on Simon's face was waffling back and forth between insulted and guilty. "I only dated to lessen the loneliness and agony I felt from being so close to you, and yet so far, all of the time. I justified it as 'practice' for when you and I finally got together." Simon's voice had gone quiet. "I did want to tell you, Clary. Believe me, I did. I was just so scared. And before Jace came into the picture, it felt like I still had time. But now, you're right - it's too late. _I'm_ too late. That bastard stole my chance with you from me. He got to you first."

"God, Simon. You talk about me as if I'm not even a person, but a piece of property or something for you guys to claim. It's not like Jace forced me into anything. I wanted him, too. I was equally involved in making that choice, so there's no use trying to just blame him for everything." Simon looked away and sighed deeply, fearing what she was going to say next. "Look, I am so sorry about everything. I really am. I never wanted to hurt you. When you suffer, I do, too. I can't say that I wasn't aware, at least on some level, that you liked me, but I just couldn't deal with it, so I didn't. I know that's unfair, but I guess I was scared, too."

"So, you admit you never had feelings for me." He braced himself.

"I don't know, Simon. Honestly. I don't know. I wouldn't _let_ myself go there. You know that the only people I've had in the world are my mom, Luke, and you. If anything were to have happened, anything that would have changed our relationship or caused it to end, I'm not sure I would have been able to handle it, so I just didn't let it even be an option. As long as we were just friends, we were safe. There was no reason why we would ever have to stop being in each other's lives."

"But I know I've felt something between us. There have been times when you've looked at me a certain way, touched my hair, leaned on my shoulder, held my hand. We've lain in bed and cuddled together, falling asleep together. You can't say that's nothing. That none of that meant anything. People who are just friends don't do that kind of stuff the way we have." He moved toward her, his face begging her to throw him just one tiny piece of a bone.

Clary said nothing, her jaw tight. She wouldn't look at him because she frankly didn't know what the truth was anymore. She didn't know how to answer, and she certainly didn't have time to dig down deep inside of her vault of repressed thoughts and feelings to find out. And even if she had liked him, or perhaps even now liked him, she didn't want to know because of Jace. She loved Simon just the way he was right now, how their relationship was now and didn't want to change it.

He was closing the gap between them again, slowly but steadily, and she desperately tried to think of what to say. His glance was gentler now as he advanced, warm and inviting. He looked more like the Simon she'd always known and felt comfortable with, the Simon who she wanted to run to and curl up with whenever things were bad. She fought the urge to do that now, knowing he'd misinterpret it.

He'd stopped for a moment, taking off his glasses and putting them aside. Then, he grabbed the bottom of his T-shirt and gradually began to move it sensuously over his head, exposing his tanned stomach bit by bit. Clary's eyes widened as she watched her friend remove his shirt. _What on earth is he doing?_ She thought. She tried to look away, but found her eyes darting back to his abs and hipbones that jutted out just above his sagging jeans. Her heart fluttered slightly, and she tried desperately to ignore it.

She started to back up as he moved toward her again, pressing herself up as flat against the door as she could. When their legs were almost touching, he reached his hand under her chin and whispered, "Clary, I love you," into her ear. She gulped, breathing hard. Her brain had stopped functioning. It was completely empty. Simon pressed against her and took her mouth with his once again. She melted into him, in spite of herself.

The dark-haired boy moved his hand to her hair, cupping the back of her head, forcing her to him. His left hand trailed down her front, feeling every part of her hungrily. The kiss began to deepen and grow more passionate, but just as he reached his hand down to her waist, moving it around to her ass, she uttered a stifled, "No!" and pushed him back off of her again, harder this time.

Confounded and enraged, Simon grabbed Clary by the shoulders and threw her onto the bed, flinging himself on top of her. She screamed, this time in actual fear, not believing what was happening. What was going on? The guardian of her emotional safety had turned on her. Her sense of security had been shattered. Terrified of losing him completely, she pleaded with him to stop, trying to wriggle free of his clutches.

"What's wrong, Clary? If you're throwing yourself at guys you've just met, what about the guy you claim to love? What about the guy that's been there for you through thick and thin, the one that's always given you everything you ever wanted. The one that loves _you._ If you're going to give yourself to anyone, it should be ME. _I_ deserve you, not _him_! You should be _mine_!"

Simon grabbed hold of each of Clary's wrists and pinned her arms by her head. He held her legs down with each of his and bent over her, kissing her neck, chest, and face. He placed his mouth on hers, but she wouldn't kiss him back, yelling into his mouth and shaking her head to try to repel him. He took both of her tiny wrists into one of his hands and moved them above her head. He shoved his left hand under her shirt and pulled it up so that it exposed her chest. "No!" She screamed, "Stop it, Simon. Stop!" She writhed around, trying to get free as he took each nipple into his mouth and sucked, groping voraciously with his hand. He moaned into her skin as if in relief, his burning curiosity as to know what she looked, felt, and tasted like being quenched.

Clary felt terrified and violated. This was SIMON, her best friend, her safe place. He'd always been there for her, he'd never hurt her or forced himself on her before, despite how much he wanted her. She couldn't believe he was doing this. Even if she was getting turned on, she didn't want it like this. Plus, she wanted Jace, not Simon. She was petrified; she didn't know what to do. It was if the person on top of her wasn't Simon. He'd turned into someone she didn't know at all.

She felt Simon's had move from her breasts down over her stomach, and she gasped as she realized what he was doing. Dread filled her chest and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt him unbutton her jeans and pull down the zipper. She wanted to scream, but only a choking sound escaped her throat. She felt her eyes burning as tears welled up and them and started pouring down her cheeks. As she felt his hand slip under the jean material and over her mound, she began to sob. Simon completely ignored her, fixated on the fact that his hand was so close to her cunt.

He slid his fingers over her clit and rubbed, her wetness slicking his movements. He groaned loudly, more turned on than he'd ever been before. All he could think about was fucking Clary, and how he was going to stop at nothing until his dick was sliding into her. He moved his fingers down and abruptly shoved two fingers inside her pussy. She gasped and arched her back, despite herself. He grinned hungrily, eyes completely darkened with arousal. The boy she knew and loved no longer existed. As he slid his fingers in and out of her, her body reacted instinctively, upsetting her futher. She didn't want to encourage him, but whenever he pulled his fingers out of her so slowly, her burning walls would clamp down around his fingers causing them both to moan.

She was horny. She couldn't believe that being raped by her closest friend was making her horny. _This is so fucked up. It's so wrong. Why is he doing this? Why won't he stop? Why am I being turned on?_ She sobbed harder. Simon cackled as if he were enjoying her pain. His forcefulness, his callousness, his cruelty was somehow causing her to waver in her convictions. _How could I possibly find this hot? What the fuck is wrong with me?_ She didn't know what was going on inside of her.

Simon began to thrust his fingers in and out of her faster and faster until she was writhing under him and whimpering in pleasure. He was getting so turned on, he felt like he was going to blow his load right then and there. He removed his hand, pulled down her jeans, taking them off of her completely and throwing them to the floor. He opened her legs wide, and spread her pussy lips to get a good look at her. This was what he'd wanted for years, to fuck Clary Fray. He ripped off his jeans and boxers and positioned himself over her. He looked her dead in the eye with complete dominance and lust. _You're mine, and I'm going to fuck you 'til you can't walk,_ he stared back at him, knowing what he was thinking. She'd stopped crying at this point. She was still now, not even trying to fight him anymore. She said nothing; she didn't move a muscle. And he plunged into her. Over. And over until he was about to cum. He pulled out and let himself spray her down with his semen. Seeing her covered in his cum made him cum even more, even harder. She squirmed around, scrunching up her face as she was showered in his seed.

When he'd finished, he heaved in and out, shaking slightly over her. When he'd caught his breath, he looked up at her, but her head was turned to the side on the pillow, not looking at him. A tear trickled down her cheek. He grabbed her by the chin and forced her to look into his eyes, moving his face close to her.

"Thanks…" He drawled sadistically. "For the fuck…" A strangled noise somewhere between a sob and a whimper escaped her throat. More tears rolled down her face. He shoved her face away from his, turning her head back to the side, stood up, cleaned himself off, dressed and grabbed his back, and exited the room, leaving her half-naked, splayed crying on the bed, covered in jizz. She closed her eyes and let herself fall asleep, desperate to escape the reality of what had just happened.

* * *

Jace was just about done showering when he heard a bang that sounded as if it was right outside the door. He hastily turned off the shower, wrapped the gray towel around his waist, and pressed his back up against the cold tile wall, about to crack the bathroom door open to see if someone had just entered his room. Before he had a chance to, however, it flew open and Alec stormed in, grabbing Jace by the neck and holding him against the wall. Jace's eyes widened in genuine fear, but he checked himself in a heartbeat, and tried to hide behind his go-to sarcastic cover.

"Back to finish the job, eh?" He snarked, in a low voice. Alec just snarled in response and shoved his head against the wall again by the neck.

"Well, get on with it. I don't have all day to die." Jace challenged.

"Do you know what you made me do?" Alec screamed at Jace, his blue eyes wild and terrifying. "Do you?!"

"If you're referring to the pain I'm currently experiencing then, yes, I'm acutely aware of what you did, thanks very much. However, whether or not _I_ madeyou-"

"I fucked Magnus Bane." Alec cut him off. "I fucked _Magnus Bane_."

Jace's mouth began to fall open, but he tried, and failed, to cover his shock with more sarcasm. "Yeah, I heard you the first time."

Alec let go of Jace and took a step back, looking away. "Alec, I-"

"Just, don't, Jace. Just, don't." Alec walked out of the bathroom. Jace fallowed him warily into the bedroom, totally unsure of what to say.

"But, Alec, why-" Alec spun around and glared at Jace, who was still dripping wet. He let his eyes drift over his half-naked body in a way he'd never done before. He always made sure he looked away, trying to not let Jace know what he was thinking. He was so far past caring at this point, though.

"Why?" Alec yelled. "Why?! Seriously, Jace!? Do you have any idea what it's been like?"

"Obviously not," Jace interjected, but Alec kept talking as if he hadn't heard him.

"For almost a decade I've watched you sleep around, not discriminating, flirting with everything that had two legs. I watched you take out your anger and misery on hapless victims of your insatiable thirst, but we both know your meaningless conquests never fulfilled you. They never made you happy or any less unhappy. For years I watched your self-destructive behavior wishing I could just show you how different things could be. How things could be if you let me in, if you just-"

"Just what?" spat Jace. not able to contain the anger bubbling up inside of him. "Just accepted your love? Your magical, healing, transformative love for me? 'cause you're just so amazing that all of my problems would be solved if I just fucked you and no one else? What, do you have a magical asshole or something? Mouth? Cock? Well, hey, if that's all it takes to cure me of my inner demons, then, shit, let's fuck. Come on." Jace grabbed Alec by the neck this time and threw him on his bed, climbing over him. His golden eyes were filled with pure, undiluted malice. Alec's expression had progressively changed from angry to sad to completely flabbergasted in a few moments.

Jace didn't relinquish his grip on Alec's neck and bent over him, claiming the dark haired boy's mouth with his. Alec gulped with anxiety. He hadn't expected his. Somehow he'd lost the upper hand and was now the one at the mercy of the other. He wasn't sure how he felt about what was happening, but the sensation of Jace's lips on his quickly overwhelmed his thoughts. What he'd been dreaming about for years was finally happening, but not in a way he'd ever imagined. Jace thrust his hands into Alec's hair, deepening the kiss and Alec wrapped his arms around the golden-haired young shadowhunter's bare back. He pulled him close, relishing the ability to finally be so intimate with the love of his life. He rolled them over on the bed so he was now on top of Jace and broke the kiss, looking down into his eyes. They were hollow, narrow, and filled with ire. They startled him and he pulled back, brow furrowing in alarm.

"What? Not all you'd hoped for?" Jace seethed. Alec stammered, suddenly hyperaware of himself and what was happening. Jace shoved him off of him and rolled over, sitting up on the edge of the bed, adjusting his towel.

"Jace, I-" Jace jerked his head slightly back toward Alec, though he didn't look at him. His face was tight and his body seemed to challenge him as if to say, ' _What? What could you possibly have to say to me right now?'_

"I'm sorry…" Alec finally managed after a brief period of silence. He saw Jace's brow furrow slightly as if he was thrown off slightly. It seemed he had caught him off guard. Jace turned slightly toward Alec, looking at him inquisitively, brow still furrowed, lips still pursed.

"I'm sorry." Alec reiterated, more confidently this time, as if he'd made up his mind about something. All of a sudden, his eyes began to fill, and his voice choked, shoulders trembling slightly as he repeated, "I'm so sorry…" His head fell into his head. Jace's expression lost all of its previous indignation, a look of genuine concern replacing it. He stood and walked over to sit next to his parabatai, placing a hand gingerly on his back. "Alec…"

Alec let out a sob and threw his arms around Jace's neck. "Oh god, I'm so so sorry, Jace. I'm so so sorry…"

Jace returned the embrace, squeezing his best friend tightly to his chest, rubbing his back reassuringly. "Hey, hey… Alec…" He crooned, "Alec, it's okay… really… Everything's fine… really… don't worry about it… Everything's okay…"

Between sobs, Jace heard Alec whisper, "I love you." Jace's heart was heavy. Alec meant the world to him. His heart was breaking with Alec's. "Oh, Alec… I love you, too…" He whispered back, into his dark hair. He felt Alec breathe in and out deeply, sighing heavily a few times. He seemed to be calming down, and Jace could swear he had felt his friend's heart skip a beat. Alec pulled out of the embrace and looked at Jace. He held up his hand and stroked Jace's cheek, running his finger down and along his prominent jawline. "I know." He murmured. "Just not like that…"

Jace looked as if he were going to say something, but Alec continued, "But thanks though. For everything. It meant a lot." He tucked a stray lock of Jace's blonde hair behind his ear, leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips, stood, and left the room. Jace continued to sit on the bed, staring at the floor, praying in his heart that he hadn't just lost his closest friend.

* * *

 **A/N:** Since I typically try to keep things in character as much as possible, the scene with Simon may seem kinda odd, but my justification is that this was after he was exhibiting vampiric symptoms. I had intended to continue with the story and depict Simon's descent into evil as he becomes a vampire, but I'm not sure if I'm going to do that or not anymore. Depends on if I want to continue this story or not. We'll see.


End file.
